


Can't Be Happy Without You

by isnt_that_wizard



Series: Shadowhunter Shorts [11]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Angry Magnus, Breaking Up & Making Up, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode Fix-it, Love, M/M, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Magnus gets his magic back, Magnus is so deeply in love with Alec, Post-Break Up, Post-Episode: s03e18 The Beast Within, Talking, True Love, and realizes what Alec did, he can't be happy without him, they actually talk things out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-17
Updated: 2019-04-17
Packaged: 2020-01-15 07:04:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18493846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/isnt_that_wizard/pseuds/isnt_that_wizard
Summary: Alec made a deal to get Magnus' magic restored. It meant he would have to break Magnus' heart, but to see him happy, Alec thought it was worth it. When his powers return to him, however, Magnus knows exactly what Alec had done. Angry, sad, and so stupidly in love with his ridiculous Shadowhunter, Magnus takes a trip to the Institute to yell a little bit and sort things out.________An episode fix-it, set after s03e18, canon complaint and ignoring the promo for s03e19





	Can't Be Happy Without You

Alec didn't know who had let him in. Probably Izzy. Maybe a Shadowhunter who had just grown used to seeing him when he'd lived here those few days. Regardless, he was here, in the Institute, and Alec hadn't even realized until there was a violent banging on his office door, causing him to jump and drop his tablet.

 

 

Alec had been keeping the door locked for days, not wanting to talk to anyone. Jace, Izzy, and Underhill were the only ones permitted in with no notice. The entire Institute knew better than to try and get into his office right now without first clearing it without one of those three, and no one dared to knock so hard, so loud. Alec clenched his jaw. He was exhausted, emotionally drained, and now thoroughly annoyed. With a deep, huffing sigh, Alec stood, walking to the door. When he opened it, however, he froze.

 

 

The reprimand he'd had ready was now caught in his throat, and he felt the colors drain from his face as his body filled with shock, guilt, and pain. There, one the other side of the door, stood Magnus Bane, fuming as he glared deeply at Alec.

 

 

"Mag-"

 

 

"How could you?" Magnus spat out in a whisper, angrier than Alec had ever heard him.

 

 

Alec took a shaky breath, practically choking out his boy- _ex-_ boyfriend's name. "Magnus. . ."

 

 

"How _could you?!"_ Magnus shot out again, voice raised as he reached out and shoved hard at Alec's shoulders. Alec stumbled back, shocked, mouth falling open. Before he could say anything more, Magnus stepped forward and pushed him again.

 

 

"You _stupid-_ how could- why would you- what the _fucking hell_ were you thinking?"

 

 

Magnus gave him one last, weaker shove, his voice cracking at the end, sadness seeping into his anger. Alec, who had looked around as he tried to regain his balance, looked back at Magnus and was met with dark slits surrounded by gold. Magnus' magic had returned. Asmodeus had kept his half of the deal. _By the Angel,_ Alec had missed seeing his eyes. But Alec looked away. Those eyes weren't his to look into, not anymore. Alec could feel Magnus' magic thrumming throughout the room, and while it normally comforted him, he was now just saddened.

 

 

"What are you doing here, Magnus?" Alec asked quietly, choking through his sadness pretending like he didn't know the answer.

 

 

Magnus glared, crossing his arms. "What, like you don't know? Don't play stupid, Alexander, it's not a good look for you."

 

 

Alec swallowed hard, keeping his eyes trained away from Magnus's face. He could see pale blue sparks hovering around Magnus' hands and knew it meant he was slowly losing control over his magic.

 

 

"I don't know what you're talking about. I told you, I just- I need a break."

 

 

"Bull-fucking-shit, Alec Lightwood. Bullshit."

 

 

Magnus scoffed, turning away so he wasn't looking at Alec as he shook his head. Alec could see the frustration and anger radiating off of him.

 

 

"You know, when my magic came back, I was so confused. I didn't know how, or why, but I was so happy."

 

 

Alec nodded, even though Magnus wasn't looking at him. This was exactly what Alec had hoped for. For Magnus to be happy. And yet, Magnus still sounded so angry, so frustrated as he looked back to Alec and continued talking.

 

 

"But then I realized. There is only _one_ reason that Asmodeus would give me my magic back. And you standing there, not even looking shocked to see it, it just proved what I thought."

 

 

Alec put his hands behind his back, looking straight to the ground as Magnus stared at him.

 

 

"How could you not give me that choice, Alec?"

 

 

Magnus sounded broken and it felt like stab to Alec's heart. He was supposed to be _happy,_ not upset. He wasn't supposed to be here, yelling at Alec.

 

 

"You bro- you broke up with me. . . But that was the deal, wasn't it? He said that he would give my magic back, but only if you broke up with me. How could you make that deal? _Alec-"_

 

 

Suddenly, Asmodeus' words exploded in his head. If Magnus knew. . . he would take the deal away, he would strip Magnus of his powers again, without a second thought. Alec began feeling frantic, snapping up to look at Magnus with wide eyes. He tried to keep his calm, use the same resolve be had when he'd broken up with him, though it felt like a stab to the heart.

 

 

"Magnus. . . leave. Please."

 

 

Magnus stared at him, surprised.

 

 

Alec just took a deep breath, clenching his jaw and straightening his back. "You have to leave, okay? I- I broke up with you. That's it. No deal. I don't- I don't know how you got your magic back. I broke up with you, so _please. . ._ just go."

 

 

The longer Magnus looked at him, the more Alec's defenses cracked. He could feel golden eyes studying him before his voice, quiet and determined, said, "No."

 

 

Alec looked at him, eyes pleading. He knew it was giving him away, but he couldn't stand here and watch Magnus lose everything again.

 

 

"Magnus, I'm begging you, please just go."

 

 

As the words left his mouth, Alec tasted the saltiness of tears he hadn't realized were falling.

 

 

"No, Alexander. I refuse to allow this deal to go any further. I know Asmodeus. He told you that if I found out, he would renege on the deal, didn't he?"

 

 

"There was no deal," Alec stated with as much confidence as he could muster, though it fell weak and tear filled.

 

 

Magnus took a step to Alec, so they were less then a foot apart. He reached his hand up, cupping Alec's cheek to wipe the tears away.

 

 

"Then why are you crying?"

 

 

Alec swallowed back a sob. He so desperately wanted to pull away from Magnus, to push him out of his office and shut himself away. But he had missed Magnus so much, his heart yearning and his heart cracking, that he couldn't help but lean into the touch, nuzzling the face into the palm of Magnus' hand.

 

 

"I found out, Alec. The minute it happened. I knew you had made a deal. I was bound to find out and Asmodeus knew that. He just wanted to scare you, to manipulate us both so you would stay away from me and I would be heartbroken enough to follow him right back to Edom. But I'm still here, Alec, _with you,_ because I refuse to let this deal or my father keep me from you. Aku cinta kamu. I love you, Alexander."

 

 

It was like Alec had no control over himself. He surged forward, desperately trapping Magnus in a hug. Magnus' arms came tightly around his shoulders. For the first time in days, Alec felt like he could breathe. He could feel as tension seeped out from them both as they relaxed into the hug.

 

 

"I'm sorry, Magnus. I'm so sorry. I love you."

 

 

They just stood there, holding each other, for what felt like hours. When they pulled apart, Alec took the time to simply look into Magnus' gorgeous, golden eyes as he was led to the couch to sit. Magnus stroked his hand down Alec's face, looking at him sadly.

 

 

In a whisper he asked, "Why did you make that deal, Alexander? You have to know that's something I wouldn't have done. And I'm just. . . I'm so _mad_ that you did. Why did you do it?"

 

 

Alec sniffled, looking down.

 

 

"You were so miserable without your magic. I'd never seen anybody look as lost as you did when Lorenzo took the magic transfusion away, or when you broke down at dinner. I couldn't just do nothing, watching you suffer and grieve. I had to do something, and it was. . . My happiness for yours was a small price to pay."

 

 

Magnus looked like he could cry. "You thought I would be happy, even though I was losing you?"

 

 

Alec shrugged and gave a sad smile. "I've seen you without me, Magnus. When we broke up the first time. . . you were sad, but you were fine. You could live without me, you would be able to get over losing me. You would never be able to do that with your magic. You don't need me to be happy, you need your magic."

 

 

As Alec felt Magnus' hand fall from his face, he looked back up to the warlock. His face looked angry again.

 

 

"How can you- Alec, how the hell can you even say that?" Magnus demanded. "You made a deal, a stupid, ridiculous, dumbass deal after _assuming_ that I would just move on and be happy without you? It was noble of you to sacrifice your life for mine, Alexander, but you didn't talk to me, didn't ask me what I wanted, how I would keep trying to get through it all. You just made the deal. You were the one thing, the _one thing_ that kept me from slipping away without my magic. The one tether, the only happiness I had left. I needed you, I still need you. 

 

 

"I know you were thinking of me, Alec, trying to do what you thought was right and trying to make me happy, but by all the angels and demons. . . How could you think that you're not a part of that equation? How could not know what you mean to me?"

 

 

Magnus' anger dissipated as he continued, falling to a gentle, sad whisper with the last sentence. Both his hands reached to hold Alec's, squeezing them tightly, like he was afraid Alec would pull away.

 

 

"You said you couldn't live without me, Alec. Don't you know that it's the same for me? Even with my magic back, I would never be happy if I didn't have you by my side. I want more mornings when we wake up in the same bed, wrapped up in blankets and each other. I want to bring you breakfast in bed, I want to take long showers with you that make us both late for work looking like we didn't actually shower at all. I want to keep looking for an apartment with you, and I want to watch you read Madzie stories when we babysit. I want to be able to worry my head off when you go out on missions with Jace and Isabelle. I want to kiss you, and love you, and completely lose myself in you. I love you, Alexander, more than I've ever loved anyone. I can't be happy without those things in my life. I can't be happy without you."

 

 

Magnus leaned forward, resting his forehead against Alec's. Alec let a shaky breath fall from his lips.

 

 

"I'm sorry, Magnus," he breathed out quietly.

 

 

Just as quietly, Magnus replied, "You're the love of my life, Alexander Lightwood. I've never loved anyone like I do you, and moving on could never be an option for me. I would never be able to truly love someone, not when you hold my heart for all eternity. Whether you're with me or not, my love for you could never lessen or go away."

 

 

Alec leaned in, kissing Magnus. It wasn't harsh, but it was desperate, chasing what he had lost and missed in the past days. Love poured into it from them both, hands clutching at necks and shirts and hair. They allowed themselves to get lost in it, relish in the feeling of each other. When they finally pulled away, for no other reason than lack of air, Alec took his turn to speak.

 

 

"It killed me, Magnus. To say those things to you, to leave you standing in that shop and pretend that I was okay with it. I was just so _desperate_ to see you smile again, really smile, that I did the only thing I could think of to help. Then, when Asmodeus was saying that I made you weak, that someday you would die because of me. . . all I could think of was saving your life, regardless of whether I was with you or not. I didn't think about the whole picture, how I fit into it. I just needed to save you."

 

 

Magnus pressed a shorter, almost trembling kiss to his lips before saying, "He was wrong, Alexander. You do not make me weak. You make me so much stronger. You hold me up when all I want to do is collapse. You build me back up when I fall into pieces. I carry me when I can't go further. You love me even though I murdered my stepfather, even though I allowed my father to manipulate me for years, and even though my magic could level an entire city. You love me, and nothing, _nothing,_ could make me stronger than that."

 

 

Alec let new tears fall at Magnus' words. He could never love anything more than he loved the man in front of him. He kissed him again, languid and gentle, just a press of their lips together. Like every kiss, it still made Alec's heart flutter.

 

 

Pulling away, Alec said, "What about your father, Magnus? He won't be happy when he finds out. What if he does it? Takes your magic away again?"

 

 

Magnus looked pained at the thought, but he still gave Alec a smile. "Then we get through it. We'll deal with him and whatever he decides to throw at us, and we'll do it together. _Together,_ okay? Completely, one hundred percent. No more lies, no more drinking, no more secrets, no more deals. Just you and me."

 

 

Alec smiled and nodded. He could do that. He could definitely, positively do that. He was never going to let Magnus go again. They needed each other like they needed breath, and nothing, not even a Prince of Hell, was going to change that.


End file.
